Personal Growth as a Leader

            Today I want to talk about the value of study. If you’re like most people the word study sends cold chills down your spine. A simple online search shows that most people will never read another book after they graduate high school. That number goes up even more after college graduation. Simply put we don’t like to study unless we absolutely have to.

            Sadly that trend sneaks into the ministry world too. Pastors are busy people. We have the responsibility of many people and situations that we deal with daily. There are meetings to attend and decisions to be made constantly and on top of everything else there is a sermon to be preached each week. Pastors definitely work more than an hour on a Sunday even if many people think otherwise.

            I can understand the overwhelming temptation to handle the issues of the church and put personal development on the back burner. I’ve done that far too many times as a pastor. I’ll probably catch myself doing it again too. What I hope to do through this blog post is to inspire you to make time for personal development. When I first became a pastor an older minister said to me, “As you go so goes the church.” He was drawing on years of personal experience to tell this young up-and-coming leader to make sure that I am healthy if I ever have any hopes of leading a healthy church.

            Paul told his young protégé Timothy to “do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.” Paul was encouraging Timothy to make the time to prepare himself personally. All of us would do well to remind ourselves of this verse as pastors. We should strive to do our best while rightly handling God’s word. In today’s world we need approved workers and not mere sermon deliverers.

            Many of us find joy in the study of God’s word. Think of those times when you are laboring over a passage and you finally make that revelatory break through. In those moments it is as if the heavens have opened up and God is shining down on us. Those moments are great. Other times we seem to read the same passage over and over again only to feel lost. It is easy to go into Sunday morning feeling like you missed the bus and all you have is an empty outline. Study isn’t always the most fun part of our lives, but personal preparation makes all the difference.

            There is another element of personal study that we overlook too often. This side of our development deals with our leadership development. Us pastors and leaders are called to influence people toward God’s agenda for their lives and without constant leadership growth it’s hard to do that. Many of us wing it and hope that we can use our position as “the pastor” to influence people. While that works to a certain extent we can increase our ability to lead by increasing our abilities as leaders.

            What are you doing regularly to grow as a leader? Are you reading the right books? Are you listening to helpful podcasts? Are you seeking out healthy mentors? These are a few questions that I hope will push you to make the necessary changes in your leadership life to make an eternal impact for the rest of your life. When we read books that add value to our leadership we are ultimately making our ministries better. When we listen to good podcasts and implement things we’ve learned we are making our churches better. When we engage in mentoring relationships and allow others to challenge us to be better we are positioning our lives and leadership for greater impact.

            Here are a 3 practical tips to help you in your leadership development and study:

Schedule Leadership Development Time

Either you will rule your schedule or your schedule will rule you. Take the time to sit down and schedule leadership development time. For me Mondays are “development days” where I take time to personally pour into myself as a leader. I read books and listen to podcasts that directly relate to my life as a leader and my stage as a pastor. I try to use Monday as a day that I get personal development and that I get organizational development for our church. Those are sacred times in my calendar that I guard vehemently. I have created 52 days for personal and organizational development. Over the long haul those days are making me a better leader and ultimately making our church a better church.

Use Quality Resources

            This is extremely important to your development. Development is not about how much material you take in it is about what kind of material you take in. Find resources that are relevant to your stage as a leader. If you pastor a church of 150 people you don’t need to inundate yourself with resources that teach you how to break the 1,000 member barrier. While that is good information it isn’t pertinent information. If you are the 150 pastor find resources on how to break the 200 barrier and you’ll be better equipped for the stage you are in. The truth is all resources aren’t created equal. You have a limited amount of time for personal development and using quality resources will help your leadership grow exponentially. Find what you need now and let that inform you as a leader.

Find An Executable

            How many times have we gone to a conference and heard great speakers that inspired us to be great leaders only to come home with tons of inspiration and little or no application? Inspiration doesn’t equal transformation. Your personal development is not complete until you’ve found an executable. What are you going to do with the information you’ve read? How are you going to implement it in your ministry? These questions will determine whether or not you grew as a leader or just learned a leadership principle. When finding an executable fight the temptation to do everything you’ve just learned. A simple step executed consistently will make more of a difference than multiple steps executed half-heartedly. Find an executable an develop a plan to put into practice what you’ve learned.

            These are a few simple tips that I hope will help you as you develop your leadership. The important thing to remember is that everyone learns differently so find a plan to grow as a leader that speaks to your style of learning. If you are a reader then find the right books that will help you. If you are an auditory learner then find some good podcasts or teaching sessions that will help you. Find helpful resources that speak your learning language and put a personal growth plan in place. I would love to help you as you grow so feel free to contact me with any questions or areas that I may be of assistance to you.  

10 Things Parenting has in Common with Pastoring

            As I work on our new sermon series this morning I have quite a lot going on around me. At the moment there is one toddler sitting on the couch playing surprisingly quietly with a toy that we bought him for Christmas a few years ago. The other toddler is sitting on the floor surprisingly quietly demolishing a toy that we bought them for Christmas last year. I am glad for two things: the fact that they are both surprisingly quiet and the fact that they are still enjoying their Christmas gifts.

            Most of the time I work from my home office. I find it to be one of those places that I can create with ease. I’m comfortable here. As a result of this I often have two little helpers that provide great sermon illustrations. It is a great blessing to be able to work and parent my kids at the same time. Sometimes it can be distracting, but I’ve learned that if I can prepare a sermon with toddlers riding our dog like he’s a champion racehorse then I can deliver that same sermon with many distractions that sometimes pop up during any given Sunday morning. It’s a good balance.

            Today I started thinking about the similarities between being a pastor and being a parent. As a parent I am responsible for the well being of my children. The same can be said of me as a pastor. As a parent I guide them in their growth and development. The same can be said of me as a pastor. As a parent I am exhausted most of the time. The same can be said of me as a pastor. Both are challenging, but both are rewarding. I’ve decided to give you my list of 10 things parenting has in common with pastoring.

1. You’re madly in love with them.

From the first time I saw them I was madly in love with my boys. They make my life great. I love being in their lives and I can’t imagine my life without them. Pastors feel the same way about their church members. We are madly in love with the people who come to our churches each Sunday. We are glad that they are a part of our lives. It is awesome to be called “Daddy” and it is awesome that people have created a space in their lives to call us “Pastor.”

 2. Sometimes you wanna kill them.

Every parent knows that there comes a time or two along the journey when your child(ren) are pushing the limits of your medication. Over the course of me writing this blog post my kids have gone from playing to now terrorizing our dog and I’ve had to stop several times to be the bouncer. As a parent sometimes you wanna kill your kids. I don’t mean this literally! What I mean is sometimes they disobey so much that you don’t think you can handle any more. As a pastor sometimes there are situations that arise that cause me to feel the same way about the church world. It doesn’t mean that we love people any less it just emphasizes the difficulty of being a part of people’s lives as they grow and encounter setbacks and issues. I’ve learned in both contexts to walk away for a few minutes and let your mind and emotions recalibrate themselves.

3. You have huge hopes and dreams for them.

I can’t fully articulate all the hopes and dreams I have for my kids. I want them to go so much farther than I ever have or ever will. I pray daily for them to be the greatest version of themselves. I want to see them succeed in life and I want them to have a vibrant relationship with Jesus. I feel the same way about the people that I get to pastor. Every sermon, every counseling appointment, every blog post, every small group, everything I do is geared toward the hopes and dreams that I have for the people who sit in the rows of Forward Church every Sunday. I want them to be great men and women and to make a difference in the world.

4. You'll laugh a lot and cry a lot. 

My kids are hilarious. They say the funniest things and I catch myself laughing sometimes even when I shouldn’t. I’ve also caught myself crying in the bathroom hidden away from them. Sometimes the tears are from something they’ve done and other times the tears are from the frustration that comes along with parenting. Again, the same happens in the life of a pastor. I have had some of the highest highs and the lowest lows as a pastor. I’ve laughed with people and I’ve cried with people. I’ve also laughed because people have brought joy into my life and I’ve cried because people have hurt me. That’s the life of a pastor.

5.  You never really feel like you know what you’re doing.

I remember the first diaper I ever changed. I felt like I was at an interview for NASA. Although my diapering skills have greatly improved there are still a ton of areas where I don’t really feel like I know what I’m doing. Parenting is hard. It is like trying to change a tire on a car that is going 40 MPH! Somewhere in my mind I believed that I would just get it and know exactly what to do in any situation as a parent. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m constantly growing and learning and along the way I’ve made my fair share of mistakes. That is exactly what my life as a pastor has been like. Most of the time I’m trying things that I’ve read about or seen other churches do and hoping for the best. Some things work great and some things fall flat on their face. The main difference in this point is that as a young pastor fresh out of college I actually thought I knew what I was doing. Even as I typed that last sentence I laughed a little. These days I’ve learned to be flexible with the things we try as a church and to constantly grow as a pastor and leader just like I’m trying to constantly grow as a parent.

6.  You constantly judge yourself by comparing yourself to other parents.

We are currently going through the potty training phase with our twins. To say that it has been a difficult time is an understatement. Making matters worse are the times I compare my kids’ progress with other parents. Whenever I hear another parent say something like, “My kid was potty trained by their 1^st birthday” I really want to judo chop them in the throat. Then instead of encouraging my children and celebrating their progress I push them in an unhealthy way in order to keep up with those super parents whom I’m comparing myself to. The truth is my kids are on their personal journey and I have to be okay with that. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve compared myself to other pastors and churches. I always fight the negative feelings that I’m not doing a good enough job because our church hasn’t grown like so-and-so’s church. I catch myself trying to change who I am in order to mimic successful pastor. I try to preach just like them or start a ministry just like them in order to have our church “potty trained” by their 1^st birthday. I’m learning to stop looking at how other people are parenting/pastoring and enjoy what God is doing in my kids/church. The comparison trap has probably been the hardest thing for me to battle as a pastor. I’m praying that we can all break free from that.

7.  Sometimes you want to quit.

Parents rarely say this out loud, but the fact is sometimes you just want to quit. Being a parent is tough. Over the years I’ve been a parent I’ve lost sleep and hair! There are times when I look at couples that don’t have kids and think to myself how easy it must be to only be responsible for yourself and your spouse. Before I was a parent vacations were so easy. We would just load up the car and go wherever we wanted to go. With kids vacations require more planning and preparation than minor surgery! Then after you’ve planned the greatest vacation in the history of vacations your kids throw a fit and don’t have a good time! There are sometimes in the life of a parent when you just want to quit. Thankfully great parents don’t quit. The same is true for the pastor’s life. There have been many times when I have wanted to hang up my cleats and never play another game. I’ve called friends and told them how hard life is and thankfully they’ve talked me off the ledge many times. It’s hard to want to keep going when people are hurtful to you or your family. It’s hard to want to keep going when people betray you. It’s hard to want to keep going when people leave for no reason or even worse for a bad reason. It’s hard to want to keep going when you see little or no growth. It’s hard to keep going when you see declining numbers all around. It’s hard to want to keep going when people spread rumors instead of asking you for the truth. As a pastor sometimes you want to quit, but just like a great parent you know that quitting never solves the problem. Keep pressing on and one day those stubborn kids will grow into great adults and that stubborn church will too!

8.  Sometimes you want more.

I often joke about how having twins has caused me to not want any more kids. While my life is difficult as the parent of twins deep down inside I still want more kids. Hopefully my wife isn’t reading this blog post! I love kids and I want more. Yeah they require tons of work and cause gray hairs, but they’re still awesome. I want to adopt more kids and I want biological kids too and I’m pretty sure that some time down the road we will be adding more to our home. As a pastor I always want more kids. We all want to see our churches bustling with new growth. We love seeing people make decisions to follow Christ. We love having baptisms and welcoming new members into our family. We want the family to keep getting bigger. That’s why we put so much effort into making our churches pleasant. That’s what causes us to try new ministries and new outreaches. The thought of new families keeps us up at night. The idea of brand new Christians drives us to try and be the best pastors possible. As a pastor sometimes you want more.

9.  When they show signs of growth you’re ecstatic when they don’t show signs of growth you’re worried.

I remember how happy I was when my kids took their first steps. I went crazy in my living room. We were jumping up and down and shouting congratulatory remarks to each other and to them. It’s an amazing feeling to watch your kids grow and develop. On the other side of that coin when our kids don’t show signs of development it causes worry and fear. Healthy children grow and develop so when there are no signs of growth we begin to wonder if they are healthy. We go to see medical doctors and specialists and spend any amount of money to make sure that we ensure our child’s health. As a pastor I feel the same way about the people who call me pastor. When I see signs of Christian growth and maturity I am thrilled, but when I don’t see any signs of development I get worried. It’s easy to get consumed by the lack of development in the lives of the people that come to our churches. We wonder what’s wrong and try to find ways to help them grow. The hard part about this is that growth in the Christian life is dependent on the willingness of the individual to grow. We can preach and teach the best messages in the world, but if people don’t take ownership of their own spiritual lives and invest in their own life-change then they won’t grow. It is disheartening for pastors to see people never making an effort to grow. We want our families, inside and outside of the church to grow and be healthy.

10.  You’re thankful to God that they’re in your life.

As I come to the end of this post I want to give you an update on what my kiddos are currently doing. Over the course of this writing I have had to put one in time out and sequester the dog for his own safety. One is currently playing with a space shuttle that I bought them from the Smithsonian a year ago – he’s gotten a can opener from the drawer and is trying to send the can opener to space. The other has pulled the child-safety outlet cover off and is playing with it. I feel like father-of-the-year right now! Regardless of all the ups and downs that come with being a parent I am so very thankful that they are in my life. I can’t imagine my life without my boys in it. The thought actually brings tears to my eyes. Every night when we put them to bed we pray with them and every prayer always gives thanks to God for allowing us to have them in our lives. If I ever wonder if God loves me I look at the Cross of Christ and what He did for me there and then I look into the eyes of my two high-energy toddlers. I’m grateful that they call me “daddy.” As a pastor I am also thankful for the people that give me the honor of being their pastor. I love them and want the best for their lives. I can’t imagine my life without them. I look forward to spending time with them on Sundays and beyond. I am thankful for their support and their service. I thank God for calling me to be their pastor. That’s the pastor life. We may feel overwhelmed and unqualified at times, but at the end of the day we are thankful for every person that is in our lives.

            This list isn’t an exhaustive list. There are many other parallels between parenting and pastoring, but these are a few that I felt compelled to highlight today. I hope you understand your pastor better as a result of this blog post and I ask that you take some time to pray for your pastor and his family and for your church. I also ask that you take some time to see how you fit into the big picture and make the most of the time and talents that you have to offer. I love ya!!