As I work
on our new sermon series this morning I have quite a lot going on around me. At
the moment there is one toddler sitting on the couch playing surprisingly
quietly with a toy that we bought him for Christmas a few years ago. The other
toddler is sitting on the floor surprisingly quietly demolishing a toy that we
bought them for Christmas last year. I am glad for two things: the fact that
they are both surprisingly quiet and the fact that they are still enjoying
their Christmas gifts.
Most of the
time I work from my home office. I find it to be one of those places that I can
create with ease. I’m comfortable here. As a result of this I often have two
little helpers that provide great sermon illustrations. It is a great blessing
to be able to work and parent my kids at the same time. Sometimes it can be
distracting, but I’ve learned that if I can prepare a sermon with toddlers
riding our dog like he’s a champion racehorse then I can deliver that same sermon
with many distractions that sometimes pop up during any given Sunday morning.
It’s a good balance.
Today I
started thinking about the similarities between being a pastor and being a
parent. As a parent I am responsible for the well being of my children. The
same can be said of me as a pastor. As a parent I guide them in their growth
and development. The same can be said of me as a pastor. As a parent I am
exhausted most of the time. The same can be said of me as a pastor. Both are
challenging, but both are rewarding. I’ve decided to give you my list of 10
things parenting has in common with pastoring.
1. You’re madly in love with them.
From the first time I saw them I
was madly in love with my boys. They make my life great. I love being in their
lives and I can’t imagine my life without them. Pastors feel the same way about
their church members. We are madly in love with the people who come to our
churches each Sunday. We are glad that they are a part of our lives. It is
awesome to be called “Daddy” and it is awesome that people have created a space
in their lives to call us “Pastor.”
Every parent knows that there
comes a time or two along the journey when your child(ren) are pushing the
limits of your medication. Over the course of me writing this blog post my kids
have gone from playing to now terrorizing our dog and I’ve had to stop several
times to be the bouncer. As a parent sometimes you wanna kill your kids. I
don’t mean this literally! What I mean is sometimes they disobey so much that
you don’t think you can handle any more. As a pastor sometimes there are
situations that arise that cause me to feel the same way about the church
world. It doesn’t mean that we love people any less it just emphasizes the
difficulty of being a part of people’s lives as they grow and encounter
setbacks and issues. I’ve learned in both contexts to walk away for a few
minutes and let your mind and emotions recalibrate themselves.
3. You have huge hopes and dreams for them.
I can’t fully articulate all the
hopes and dreams I have for my kids. I want them to go so much farther than I
ever have or ever will. I pray daily for them to be the greatest version of
themselves. I want to see them succeed in life and I want them to have a
vibrant relationship with Jesus. I feel the same way about the people that I
get to pastor. Every sermon, every counseling appointment, every blog post,
every small group, everything I do is geared toward the hopes and dreams that I
have for the people who sit in the rows of Forward Church every Sunday. I want
them to be great men and women and to make a difference in the world.
4. You'll laugh a lot and cry a lot.
My kids are hilarious. They say
the funniest things and I catch myself laughing sometimes even when I shouldn’t.
I’ve also caught myself crying in the bathroom hidden away from them. Sometimes
the tears are from something they’ve done and other times the tears are from
the frustration that comes along with parenting. Again, the same happens in the
life of a pastor. I have had some of the highest highs and the lowest lows as a
pastor. I’ve laughed with people and I’ve cried with people. I’ve also laughed
because people have brought joy into my life and I’ve cried because people have
hurt me. That’s the life of a pastor.
5. You never really feel like you know what you’re
doing.
I remember the first diaper I ever
changed. I felt like I was at an interview for NASA. Although my diapering
skills have greatly improved there are still a ton of areas where I don’t really
feel like I know what I’m doing. Parenting is hard. It is like trying to change
a tire on a car that is going 40 MPH! Somewhere in my mind I believed that I
would just get it and know exactly
what to do in any situation as a parent. That couldn’t be further from the
truth. I’m constantly growing and learning and along the way I’ve made my fair
share of mistakes. That is exactly what my life as a pastor has been like. Most
of the time I’m trying things that I’ve read about or seen other churches do
and hoping for the best. Some things work great and some things fall flat on
their face. The main difference in this point is that as a young pastor fresh
out of college I actually thought I knew what I was doing. Even as I typed that
last sentence I laughed a little. These days I’ve learned to be flexible with
the things we try as a church and to constantly grow as a pastor and leader
just like I’m trying to constantly grow as a parent.
6. You constantly judge yourself by comparing
yourself to other parents.
We are currently going through the
potty training phase with our twins. To say that it has been a difficult time
is an understatement. Making matters worse are the times I compare my kids’
progress with other parents. Whenever I hear another parent say something like,
“My kid was potty trained by their 1st birthday” I really want to
judo chop them in the throat. Then instead of encouraging my children and
celebrating their progress I push them in an unhealthy way in order to keep up
with those super parents whom I’m comparing myself to. The truth is my kids are
on their personal journey and I have to be okay with that. I can’t tell you how
many times I’ve compared myself to other pastors and churches. I always fight
the negative feelings that I’m not doing a good enough job because our church
hasn’t grown like so-and-so’s church. I catch myself trying to change who I am
in order to mimic successful pastor. I try to preach just like them or start a
ministry just like them in order to have our church “potty trained” by their 1st
birthday. I’m learning to stop looking at how other people are
parenting/pastoring and enjoy what God is doing in my kids/church. The
comparison trap has probably been the hardest thing for me to battle as a
pastor. I’m praying that we can all break free from that.
7. Sometimes you want to quit.
Parents rarely say this out loud,
but the fact is sometimes you just want to quit. Being a parent is tough. Over
the years I’ve been a parent I’ve lost sleep and hair! There are times when I
look at couples that don’t have kids and think to myself how easy it must be to
only be responsible for yourself and your spouse. Before I was a parent
vacations were so easy. We would just load up the car and go wherever we wanted
to go. With kids vacations require more planning and preparation than minor
surgery! Then after you’ve planned the greatest vacation in the history of
vacations your kids throw a fit and don’t have a good time! There are sometimes
in the life of a parent when you just want to quit. Thankfully great parents
don’t quit. The same is true for the pastor’s life. There have been many times
when I have wanted to hang up my cleats and never play another game. I’ve
called friends and told them how hard life is and thankfully they’ve talked me
off the ledge many times. It’s hard to want to keep going when people are
hurtful to you or your family. It’s hard to want to keep going when people
betray you. It’s hard to want to keep going when people leave for no reason or
even worse for a bad reason. It’s hard to want to keep going when you see
little or no growth. It’s hard to keep going when you see declining numbers all
around. It’s hard to want to keep going when people spread rumors instead of
asking you for the truth. As a pastor sometimes you want to quit, but just like
a great parent you know that quitting never solves the problem. Keep pressing
on and one day those stubborn kids will grow into great adults and that
stubborn church will too!
8. Sometimes you want more.
I often joke about how having twins
has caused me to not want any more kids. While my life is difficult as the
parent of twins deep down inside I still want more kids. Hopefully my wife
isn’t reading this blog post! I love kids and I want more. Yeah they require
tons of work and cause gray hairs, but they’re still awesome. I want to adopt
more kids and I want biological kids too and I’m pretty sure that some time
down the road we will be adding more to our home. As a pastor I always want
more kids. We all want to see our churches bustling with new growth. We love
seeing people make decisions to follow Christ. We love having baptisms and
welcoming new members into our family. We want the family to keep getting
bigger. That’s why we put so much effort into making our churches pleasant. That’s
what causes us to try new ministries and new outreaches. The thought of new
families keeps us up at night. The idea of brand new Christians drives us to
try and be the best pastors possible. As a pastor sometimes you want more.
9. When they show signs of growth you’re ecstatic
when they don’t show signs of growth you’re worried.
I remember how happy I was when my
kids took their first steps. I went crazy in my living room. We were jumping up
and down and shouting congratulatory remarks to each other and to them. It’s an
amazing feeling to watch your kids grow and develop. On the other side of that
coin when our kids don’t show signs of development it causes worry and fear.
Healthy children grow and develop so when there are no signs of growth we begin
to wonder if they are healthy. We go to see medical doctors and specialists and
spend any amount of money to make sure that we ensure our child’s health. As a
pastor I feel the same way about the people who call me pastor. When I see
signs of Christian growth and maturity I am thrilled, but when I don’t see any
signs of development I get worried. It’s easy to get consumed by the lack of
development in the lives of the people that come to our churches. We wonder
what’s wrong and try to find ways to help them grow. The hard part about this
is that growth in the Christian life is dependent on the willingness of the
individual to grow. We can preach and teach the best messages in the world, but
if people don’t take ownership of their own spiritual lives and invest in their
own life-change then they won’t grow. It is disheartening for pastors to see
people never making an effort to grow. We want our families, inside and outside
of the church to grow and be healthy.
10. You’re thankful to God that they’re in your
life.
As I come to the end of this post
I want to give you an update on what my kiddos are currently doing. Over the
course of this writing I have had to put one in time out and sequester the dog
for his own safety. One is currently playing with a space shuttle that I bought
them from the Smithsonian a year ago – he’s gotten a can opener from the drawer
and is trying to send the can opener to space. The other has pulled the
child-safety outlet cover off and is playing with it. I feel like
father-of-the-year right now! Regardless of all the ups and downs that come
with being a parent I am so very thankful that they are in my life. I can’t
imagine my life without my boys in it. The thought actually brings tears to my
eyes. Every night when we put them to bed we pray with them and every prayer
always gives thanks to God for allowing us to have them in our lives. If I ever
wonder if God loves me I look at the Cross of Christ and what He did for me
there and then I look into the eyes of my two high-energy toddlers. I’m grateful
that they call me “daddy.” As a pastor I am also thankful for the people that give
me the honor of being their pastor. I love them and want the best for their
lives. I can’t imagine my life without them. I look forward to spending time
with them on Sundays and beyond. I am thankful for their support and their
service. I thank God for calling me to be their pastor. That’s the pastor life.
We may feel overwhelmed and unqualified at times, but at the end of the day we
are thankful for every person that is in our lives.
This list
isn’t an exhaustive list. There are many other parallels between parenting and
pastoring, but these are a few that I felt compelled to highlight today. I hope
you understand your pastor better as a result of this blog post and I ask that
you take some time to pray for your pastor and his family and for your church.
I also ask that you take some time to see how you fit into the big picture and
make the most of the time and talents that you have to offer. I love ya!!
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