6 Things I've Learned About Being a Pastor

Yesterday marked my 6 year anniversary as a lead pastor. Over the course of those years I've been privileged to serve as the lead pastor of two churches. I have had a huge deal of fun along the way as well as many disappointments. So today I decided to list 6 things I've learned about being a pastor. So in no particular order here we go:

1) Being a lead pastor is hard. 

Yup. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. I never understood the level of stress on the lead pastor until I became one. Being a youth pastor didn't compare. Being a worship pastor didn't compare. Being a young adult leader didn't compare. It wasn't until I was the guy responsible for the whole ship that the weight of the call became its heaviest. 

As John Maxwell says, "If you're out front you're gonna get kicked in the rear." Well if you're the lead pastor you're gonna have a sore rear!

2) It won't happen as fast as you want it to. 

A few years ago I hear pastor Craig Groeschel say, "Most of us overestimate what God wants to do in the short run of our lives and underestimate what God wants to do in the long run." What a powerful statement! Ministry is a marathon and not a sprint. Those grandiose dreams you have for your church and ministry will take longer to accomplish than you think. Along the way God will have to break you and make you into the leader capable of handling the dream. Don't give up. Don't let discouragement stop you. Enjoy the journey more than the destination. 

3) The relationships you build are more important than the stuff you do. 

Here are two important truths every lead pastor needs to remember: Your life will be drained by ministry. Your life will be enriched by healthy relationships. 

If you spend more of your time "doing ministry" than you do building relationships with others eventually it will catch up with you and I promise you won't like what you see. Us lead pastors suffer from a disease called "drivin-itis." We live for results and often sacrifice relationships on the altar of results. I promise you that the people who are in your life matter more than you realize. Don't get me wrong, the stuff you do is valuable, you are building God's Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. That's important stuff! What we have to learn along the way is that there will always be more ministry opportunities than relational opportunities and in the end when we are at our best ministerially it is a direct correlation to being in healthy, life-giving relationships. 

Slow down. Make some friends. Spend time win people outside of your church. Don't talk about church all the time. Go to a ballgame with friends. Catch a movie with another couple. Laugh. Enjoy life with people who don't always want something from you. Relationships matter. 

This is so important y'all. As the lead pastor everyone wants something from you. It is impossible to function at the level God desires without taking time so unplug from the machine and reboot with others who can let you be you. Find a handful of friends (more than likely outside of your church) who will let you be you and not "pastor you." You'll thank me later. Your spouse will thank me now!

4) Don't be scared to lead. 

Early on in my time as a lead pastor I was scared to ask people to trust my leadership. I would often sit in leadership meetings and give easily-attainable ideas and goals because I didn't want to ruffle too many feathers. After all I needed buy-in from the people. During those early days God was gracious to us and in spite of my sometimes timid leadership our church grew. The problem was we were limited in our potential because I was too scared to lead fully from where I knew we needed to go. 

One evening after a meeting with our leadership team one of our elders came to me and said, "Pastor, we really need you to lead us." At first I was somewhat offended. I thought I was leading the church. Then he explained that the value I added to our team was in knowing what steps we needed to take to reach people for Christ and if I held back because I was scared they wouldn't like what we had to do then I was limiting our effectiveness. That night I realized that I was too scared to lead in a big way. Ever since that conversation I have tried (and prayed) to lead big and not be scared to ask people for a big commitment. 

Don't be scared to navigate the course of your church where God is calling you to go. Of course you need to take into account the ideas and thoughts of others on your team. Don't dismiss the concerns of those around you, but at the end of the day you have to make progress by taking risks and leading big. I promise you that along the course of your ministry people will leave because of a decision you make. Thats the nature of our business. It hurts and it happens. However there is another byproduct of leading big...new people will show up. Don't be scared to lead. 

This means being the final voice on decisions that will cost thousands of dollars. Lead big. That ,exams being the final voice on decisions that will upset long standing members of the congregation. Lead big (Don't be a jerk about it. Make every effort to meet with them and lovingly hear their concerns as you explain why you and the team feel God directing you to change). This means being the final voice on decisions that will change the direction of the church for years to come. Lead big. 

One more thing is important for me to mention here: the guy who challenged me to lead big was younger than me. I didn't ignore his words or get offended because I was older and had more experience Han him. I knew he had my best interest in mind and he was the voice of God that evening.

5) You're gonna hurt...a lot.

We live in a broken world. We work with broken people. We are broken people. The reality is that hurting people hurt people. The nature of our business is to help restore broken and hurting people. People will look to you in the most emotionally and psychologically charged times of their lives. No other profession requires you to be the strength of entire families from birth to death. You will visit the nursery of the hospital to rejoice over the newborn baby and you will visit that same hospital to cry with the family that just lost their newborn baby. You will marry people who have been high school sweethearts for years and you will help that same couple recover from a nasty divorce. You will be there at the gravesite offering hope to those who are saying goodbye to their loved ones. You will be in the stands on Friday night when their son takes the field. You will be there at the best of times and you will be there at the worst of times. 

That's just what we do. 

What happens when our faces are associated with so many dynamics of life-change is people can often connect us with pain and sorry just as quickly as they connect us with joy and hope. 

Another dynamic at play here is the reality that you will make some mistakes along the way. You're going to preach a message that's too harsh one day and people will be hurt by your words instead of helped by your words. You're going to make an unpopular leadership decision and people will leave the church. You're going to miss an event and people will be offended. You're going to miss a hospital visit and people will get mad with you. You're going to have someone on your team make a bad decision and you are going to be blamed for it. You are going to be accused of being lazy and only working 2 hours a week. You are going to be considered too theologically liberal or too conservative or to Pentecostal or not Pentecostal enough. You are going to be constantly criticized. Your sermons will be too long for some and too short for others. You will read too many bible verses for some and not enough for others. You will have some people who love you and some who despise you. You will hear about everything going wrong and rarely hear about things that you are doing right. Your family will be under an unhealthy and unrealistic microscope. As the lead pastor you (and many times your family) are going to hurt. 

People will praise your church as "the church they've always wanted to be a part of" and then months later leave because you "aren't meeting their needs" and they're "just not getting fed." Someone will challenge your authority and persuade others to lose confidence in you. Others will tell you everywhere your sermon wasn't perfect. Some will chose to leave and start their own church and will take others with them. Some will hold you responsible for mistakes other pastors have made. Some will constantly tear down your church and your character publicly. 

As the lead pastor you are going to hurt a lot. 

It has taken me a long time to understand this truth. I pray that you don't get disillusioned by the pain. Don't give up on the dream God has placed inside of you. Let God turn your pain into fuel for your destiny. In the book Good to Great in God's Eyes Chip Ingram says, "Every great dream will be taken to the Cross." When you are experiencing pain chances are God is taking you by the Cross. Before God can get the new wine of His Spirit in your life and ministry he has to crush the grapes of your life and ministry. Learn to navigate pain with the help of God, good friends, and great balance of work and pleasure. The pain will produce a great promise. 

6) It's ALL Worth it. 

Pastor Ferrell Hardison of The Bridge Church in Goldsboro, North Carolina says, "We pastors are crazy people. We're the only people who are ready to change careers on Monday and then on Saturday night can't wait to go do it again!" He's right you know. We have been bitten by the big of God and we can't get away from the joy of serving Him and helping people. We have seen God use us to make others' lives better and we just can't give it up. 

In ministry the highs are higher than anything else and the lows are lower, but in the end it's ALL worth it. If you've been struggling with the lows of ministry life remember God has called you and He will fulfill you. Your life and your ministry matters. I know that I am grateful for you. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. You are making more of a difference than you realize. Try to take your mind off the issues and look at everything that you are doing right. One of my mentors, pastor Brett Cooper always says, "You can quit, but you've got to start over again tomorrow!" Don't give up. Your life matters and in the end it's ALL worth it. 

The Little Things

Recently I had a wonderful lunch conversation with a friend who is a very successful pastor. He was sharing with me a few leadership principles that he had learned in nearly 30 years of ministry. One thing he said that really caught my attention was, "Don't forget the little things." The little things are hand written thank you cards when someone gives you a gift or taking someone out to lunch and spending time listening to their stories or dropping a card in the mail letting someone know you are praying for them. 

I know it sounds simple and maybe even "old school," but this is really the heart of pastoring. Leadership guru John Maxwell says, "Leaders touch a heart before they ask for a hand." The little things make sure you continue to touch the hearts of those you are privileged to lead. 

In ministry it's very easy to forget the little things. If we were honest we would all say that at times we focus on connecting with new guests and prospective leaders at first and then eventually dial back our intentionality with them. After all, when the new guests come back 5 or 6 weeks in a row they are now part of the church and we are off to the next new guest. And thus the cycle continues. Think about it this way, when I first met my wife I went out of my way to impress her. I bought flowers and clothes and chocolates and perfume. Whatever it took to get the job done. Fast forward 5 years and 2 kids later and I am ashamed to confess that I can't remember the last time I randomly bought her flowers or perfume. In essence I forgot the little things. 

**author's note: At the time of this writing I am preparing to leave and buy a surprise gift for my wife :)

What would your ministry look like if you took 2 hours a week and focused on the little things? Maybe you are the Michael Phelps of the little things...I bet you can improve! Maybe you are like me and aren't the best at executing the little things - just start small a d work toward improvement. Hey, here's a great idea -- find one of those Michael Phelps characters we mentioned earlier and have them help mentor you along. Wayne Cordeiro recently said during his session at the Exponential conference, "You can start small, but you have to start now!" That's how we watch the little things improve and become the big things in our ministry. 

Here are a few tips to improve our effectiveness with the little things:

1) Schedule it. If we don't schedule our time someone will! Don't expect it to just happen. You don't expect dinner to just happen. You don't expect your kids to just magically appear at school. You schedule what matters. Schedule time to give attention to the little things. My current schedule is an hour on Mondays and an hour on Thursdays. It's not a lot of time but it's time devoted solely to the little things. 

2) Decide what you will do. Are you going to send postcards or hand-written letters? Both? What about emails and social media follow up? Will you take someone out for lunch or visit with someone at their home? Don't overlook this step. Decide in advance what your gameplan is going to be and then make it happen. 

3) Switch it up. You want consistency, but you don't want fake, obligatory, oh-that's-just-a-letter-from-the-preacher thing either. Don't get caught in a rut. If you always send postcards on Mondays eventually people will think you are just performing a task on your to-do list. Don't settle in on the same thing just for the sake if doing something. Imagine how boring it would be if every night you ate a ham and cheese sandwich with a few potato chips. You'd get pretty tired of the ham sandwich. My guess is before the week ended you'd be finding a new meal! The same is true in our pastoral connections with those we serve. Switch it up. Get creative. 

4) Be genuine. No one likes a fake. If you are doing the little things as a gimmick people will quickly see right through you. If you don't love people you can't lead them. I would go so far as to say maybe you don't have a life-giving relationship with Jesus Christ. Love God, love people. It's simple. Pray for them. Encourage them. Get specific. Don't fall for the cheap "I'm glad you come to church with us" line. Affirm what God is doing in their life. Mention specific things that you appreciate about them. Don't get lazy here. Learn to love people. Chose to give them love even when you don't think they "deserve" it. Remember, Christ loved us even when we didn't measure up or deserve it. 

I'm sure there are at least 50 more things that will help add value to our ministry of little things, but these should get us started. You will see how people begin to love and trust you more as you find creative ways to serve them. After 1 or 2 years of little things you'll see how big it really is. And if the little things become the big things in 1-2 years imagine the dividends after 10 or 15 or even 20 years of ministry in the same place! 

I leave you today with an old saying that sums up the ministry of little things: people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.